It was early Christmas morning, an hour before the kids would get up to open their gifts when my world came crashing down. My wife told me she wanted a separation. This would begin a long, painful journey of uncharted waters. I can tell you right now looking back; it was years in the making. Years of trying to avoid conflict with her had indirectly allowed me to give up control over everything in my life. I avoided decisions. I avoided leading my family in times of need. I kept my head in the sand…. Keeping the peace. It took another year and a half of going in and out of getting my footing and finding my voice during my separation. Dating, getting hot and cold with both my wife and my girlfriend…jealousy, pain, anger…lots and lots of anger.
During this time I met someone who I care deeply about, but I struggled with believing in my own self worth and in turn made many of the same mistakes that plagued my marriage. At the end of July during the second year of my separation, my wife told me to “Man up” for the 100th time. So, I did what any person does when they want to learn how to do something. I “googled” it! What I learned was that there were not a lot of places where you can find advice just for men. I also learned that real men drink whisky, open doors for women and a lot of other crap about what it means to be a man. However, I did find a link to a book called “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Dr. Glover and that’s when my journey to recovery actually began.
After reading the book, I realized that I did fail to step up. I allowed my wife, now ex wife, to take all control. I also gave up friends, family and everything else in my life just to keep everyone else happy, quiet and without conflict. Reality….no one was really happy. I lost touch with who I was and more importantly that I was allowed to have needs, wants and goals that were my own. That did not make me selfish, it made me human.
So, here I am now. I’m officially divorced. I’m in a long term relationship with a woman I care for greatly. I’m still learning how to effectively co-parent with an angry and hurt ex-wife… as well as three children who are trying to cope with all these changes. I’m not perfect….but that’s ok.
I created this blog to continue growing and learning as well as help other men with their journey.